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When I was going steady with Tom (in the same era as the bathroom sharing incident), I spent a lot of time at his house. He lived closer to campus and he cooked dinner for us almost every night. (I adore a boyfriend who cooks.) I didn't wait for him to clear out shelf space for me. One day I said, "I need somewhere to put my pajamas. What about up here? I'm moving your stuff." I put my things in an out of the way spot on the high shelf in his closet. He was surprised, but he didn't stop me. Later he made a more convenient part of the closet available to me, so I guess it was ok.

Sharing, that's what it's all about. I like that I was able to see Tom's point of view on the towels and the brushes, though I still think it's odd that he would accuse me of being petty for wanting to keep things separate. The truth is, I didn't mind sharing, especially since it was so (symbolically) important to him.

When someone is spending a lot of time in your space, it can be hard for them to ask for what they need. That was Fred's problem. He was in my house, following my rules--it was undeniably my place. But by giving him that little tiny space of his own, I let him know he was welcome and he was much more comfortable after that.